I was sixteen, when I swallowed a full bottle of Tylenol PM. I do not know why I did it at all. I just felt as if I were in a trance and was led to the pills. My mother found me lying face down covered in a pool of green vomit. She took me to the hospital and they pumped my stomach full of charcoal to rid my body of the damaging chemicals I had ingested. I was then placed in ICU for about two weeks. I recovered pysically to full health standards.

I did not recover mentally. I was placed in a long care hospital for teens with traumatic issues. After about three months of staying there, I learned that I had been diagnosed with a disorder called Bipolar Disorder. This disorder is where you experience extreme highs and extreme low moods. The extreme high moods are called manic mania episodes. You are full of excitement, have exreme energy, and feel as if your on top of the world. Do not let this fool you! With the manic mania involves poor desicion making, wild ideas (such as your able to read other people's minds), and you may even become permiscuis. Manic Depression however, you are fatigued, have lack of intrest in the things you once enjoyed, extreme depression, and suicidal tendencies. I tended to cut my arms with razor blades during this time and use excess amounts of drugs to ease the inner pain.

They put me on a medication called Lithium for the mood swings, Haldol for the phsycotic episodes, and Paxil for depression. These medications did not work well for me at all! I gained 100 pounds taking Lithium and Haldol. I stayed so dazed and confused that I could not even function in daily life. So, I simply stopped taking the medication.

For years, I suffered the highs and lows. During this time, I had four children and married a husband of seven years. Finally, it happend only a few months after my fourht child was born. I left my children and my husband for another woman. I seriously thought that I was a lesiban, and wanted to spend my life with this woman. But, after only a matter of weeks, I began to hear voices and see things that were not really there. I began to hide in closets and just rock back and forth chanting the same phrase over and over. I was beginining to conteplate suicide once again. I finally called up my husband and had him take me back to the hospital for treatment.

After, being treated again for the disorder, I realized that what I was doing was so wrong! I was not in love with that woman at all! I felt humiliated and ashamed. But, after recieving treatment and medication, my inner world began to change for the better. I told the doctor that I could not and would not take Lithium or Haldol for any treatment. He decided to try me on Seroquil, Ambilify, Effexor, and Valium. He also noticed that I had a touch of ADHD, and put me on Ritilin.

I have been taking these medications for almost two years now. I did not gain any weight, and have not relapsed since. I do not drink or use drugs.

My point in sharing this story, is that if you think that you are a sufferer of any disorder or just feel like daily life is just to much, then you should seek help today. Why suffer, when you to can get the treatment you need to improve your over all quality of life.

Tags & Keywords : bipolar disorder, stress, suicide, drugs