I ate breakfast today while watching the local 6pm news. It was grand. There was a story about a Texas man who restores boats and canoes in his spare time. He has a lot of spare time, because he's 90 years old. He's still productive. He is doing what he loves, and he has a great big grin on his face while doing it. Ear to ear baby. He and I are a lot alike now. You see, I have a lot of spare time. Too much, in fact. Did I mention I ate breakfast at 6pm?

I got canned. Fired. Shown the door. The big visit to human resources. It was grand. My two superiors came in and informed me they wanted to go in a "different direction". I took it well. Handed in my keys, deleted all my personal information off the computer, took down pictures and gave two firm handshakes. I'd say I was an ideal person to fire. Like the two Bobs in Office Space , the firings went well.

Things happened so fast that by the time I had left human resources and was halfway home, I was just beginning to process what had happened. As I drove along I began to ponder things that unemployed folk ponder. How did it come to this? Why was I late to work so many times? What about my insurance and retirement money? What do I do now? Perhaps the most importing question lingering in my reflectionosityness was this sobering thought; Why didn't I give a shit?

It's the last question that has kept me up late many nights in a row. That and a beautiful Rocky marathon. Thanks AMC. But seriously...why so lethargic Chance? (That's me...Chance). Why the non-long face? Why the head up? Why KC and The Sunshine Band and not The Cure? Then I had what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity. (Apologies to Jules)

I was glad because I WANTED a change but didn't have the gumption to do it myself. I needed someone to push me out. I would've never just upped and quit on my own. Certainly not without another job lined up at least. But now...NOW I am forced to re-focus. Take a look at my life. Re-evaluate. Hypen lots of words.

I am 30 years old and have no idea what to do with my life. Not even the tiniest clue. I love to edit video and play poker, but other than those two things I am a walking vegetable as far as my "career". Want to try babysitting, Chance? Sure. How about shoveling animal dung? Ok. Assistant to the assistant manager at Mike's Artery Attack Cafe? Let's do it. This is madness, yes? Maybe not.

When I was younger I had dreams of being involved in the movie industry. I didn't (and still don't) know what area or how to get there, only that I was fascinated by the prospect. It was a grand dream. Like an innocent fishy just released into the aquarium for the first time. I had my eye on that algae tab, momma. No doubt. Then something dreadful happened. Momma ate me. My metaphor that is.

Actually what happened was I graduated college and got a job. A couple of years went by. I got a better job. Two years later, an even better job. So there I was at a really good job, 10 years into a career in video editing and working in a university environment. Why wasn't I satisfied? I had everything I needed financially, no wife, no chitlens and no debt. Zero debtage. Not bad for 30, right?

But something just didn't feel right. Actually nothing felt right because I felt NOTHING at all. I wasn't inspired or disgusted. I wasn't excited or tired. I just was. That, my droogies is called settling. Settling 101. Complacency. I was in a good position but it would never improve. I realized if I worked there for another 10 years nothing would change. I wouldn't make a difference in anyone's life. I wouldn't be remembered for anything. I would be just another American white male working and living. Surving mostly with occasional living. I didn't want that.

So, here I am. I regret letting my work ethic slip to the level where I needed to be sent to HR, but I don't regret the end result. I have no real prospects now for a job, and I'm fine with that too. I traded that stuff in for a thing called hope. As Red says in The Shawshank Redemption , "hope is a dangerous thing". Perhaps the quote has a different meaning if you're in prison in the 1950's, but to me hope is what I need. It's what is gonna make me feel alive again.

I have enough doe-ray-me to survive until early March. I'm getting all my vacation hours paid in full plus I've saved a little here and there. I have two solid months to get something going. A spark somewhere. Let's get creative, I say. Take a look around. Dare to imagine completely changing everything I've become so comfortable with. Maybe I'll move to another city or another state. Maybe another country even. Maybe I'll make cultural learnings in Kashakstan.

The point is I'm ready for anything. I'm expecting a lot of adversity and those "bumps" people talk about along the way, but I'm gonna survive. I am going to find a place where I make a difference and feel important. I'm gonna do something I love rather than settle for a job I'm qualified for. I say all this within reason, of course. I'm not heading out to Valley Ranch next year to try out for the Dallas Cowboys. But maybe I'll try to find some local movie nuts like me and write our own script. Maybe I'll get certified to teach Writing and Literature. Certification courses only take about four months. I can do this.

I'm already doing something new with this article and this website. Never knew it existed until two hours ago. I would've been here sooner but I had put in The Dark Knight. But now, here we are.

And here we...GO.

Tags & Keywords : unemployment, jobs, movie quotes, economy, sorrow, fired, motivational, inspirational