The Five Stages Of Grief And Loss


Melgrace Abandula   By Melgrace Abandula

The Five Stages Of Grief And Loss




Denial. This is the first stage of grief and loss. In the denial stage, you tell yourself that the loss is not happening even when it has actually happened. You cannot bear the loss yet, refusing to see the obvious signs of such circumstance. In this stage, your mind denies the actual circumstance that you are experiencing.

Anger. Once you have begun to accept reality, you then experience anger. For instance, frustrations and disappointments start to come out and you become angry why you are experiencing something you think you do not deserve.

Expressing anger is actually healthy as long as it is properly expressed and dealt with. Moreover, expressing anger is also an indication that you are starting to cope with the loss. Turning anger inward or denying it can only make one depressed. It can even make you bitter and may even slow down your recovery. However important it is to vent your anger, make sure that it does not become to the point of hurting yourself or other people.

There are several ways to express your anger appropriately. Some vent their anger through journals, others yell or scream alone by themselves until all the anger is exhausted while there are those who do their hobby or play their favorite sport to release their anger. Those who may have trouble with properly expressing their anger can take anger management classes or undergo therapy. By channeling your anger appropriately, you avoid hurting yourself, other people or damaging property. You also spare yourself from alienating from other people with your actions, something that you might regret later on.

Bargaining. This stage is where you try to get back what you have lost. For instance, with a loss of a loved one, the bargaining comes prior to it. You promise anything as long as you do not lose that person. Or, s

ay in a divorce, in which you promise your spouse that you will do better and do anything just so s/he will not leave you.

In bargaining, people sometimes compromise their beliefs and values in order to avoid the loss. Reaching this stage is a sign that you are over the denial phase and have started to accept the fact that such circumstance is happening. Bargaining is an important stage because it can help you look into the cause of the blow in the first place.

Depression. This phase is an indispensable part of loss. One experiences depression during the anger, bargaining and in the let-go phase. However, it can actually happen at any stage. Depression is normal. However, the time it takes for a person to get over from depression may vary and the motions that one experiences may also differ as well. Others cry a lot, while others shun themselves from the outside world for a period of time.

There are different ways to deal with depression. Some people channel their time doing productive things or engage in activities that can help them relax and unwind while others rely on antidepressants and seek counseling or professional help, especially if the depression is prolonged.

Acceptance. This is the final stage of grief and loss. You finally begin to accept that there is a reason for what happened, even if you may have seen the reason why. You have freed yourself from the pain and are then ready to move on with your life.

You may also go through a few more phases such as shock and numbness, guilt, letting go and finally forgiveness. Keep in mind that these are all but a normal and natural part of grieving.

One grieves in his own way and time. Going through these phases one at a time is normal and important so you can get over the loss and get on with a new life.

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